In Memoriam:
Joseph Sebastian Lalli 1952 – 2001, Mentor and Friend
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Joe Lalli passed away on May 17, 2001.
He influenced numerous people
in a variety of ways. In particular, Joe had great impact on helping to shape
both professional and personal aspects of his studentsÕ lives. The term
“JoeÕs students” here is used to describe any student who has
worked directly
or by association with Joe. Our memorial to Joe is sharing our thoughts
with the behavior analytic community about the extent of JoeÕs effect on
us. Although our thoughts vary, our common sentiment is that he was a
great mentor and person, and we will miss him dearly.
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Maria Agnew
Just recently I was asked to discuss my career with a prospective doctoral
program. As I began to tell the listener about my career and the path that
I have taken, Joe Lalli's name came up several times. It was then that I
realized that I would not be where I was today if it had not been for Joe.
Joe has been my supervisor, supporter, colleague, and friend. From the day
that I walked into the Children's Seashore House for
an interview with Joe in 1993 to the day he helped me as a first year adjunct
faculty member at Holy Family College in 1999, Joe has always guided me with
knowledge, honesty, support and humor.
It was Joe who introduced me to behavior analysis and told me that teachers
could and should be behavior analysts. It was Joe who encouraged me to get
my masters degree and said there is no reason why I couldn't do it with a
family and a full time
job. It was Joe who supported me as the “lone teacher” among the many
therapists on the Biobehavioral Unit. It was Joe who supported me when I
left the ChildrenÕs Seashore House to continue my career. It was Joe who
told me that I could teach college classes; and when we found ourselves on
the same side of the
faculty, he supported and respected me. It was Joe who told me that a Ph.D.
was not
that far out of reach.
I am sure that many people can say that they have had a mentor or someone
that guided their career. I can say I not only had someone to guide my
career, but supported me 100 % in everything I did professionally with a
personal touch. Joe truly cared for each and every person he worked with.
He was one of a kind and will be truly missed not only for his work but for
the person that he was.
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John C. Borrero & Carrie S. Wright
We had our first meetings with Joe Lalli almost two years apart while working
at the ChildrenÕs Seashore House. During that two year period Joe’s health
began to suffer, but his personality certainly did not. Daily research
meetings would invariably involve JoeÕs rendition of his favorite Todd Rundgren
song and a few rounds of “Name That Tune.” With rare exceptions,
Joe won every time.
As a scientist, Joe’s contributions to the field of applied behavior
analysis are numerous. His research on parent-child interactions,
noncontingent reinforcement, and functional analysis has had a significant
impact on the field. It is far more difficult to try to capture how much
he has done for his students along the way. Joe taught each of us many
things about behavior analysis, but his most important contributions may
have been about life in general. His patience, compassion, and
understanding permeated his everyday activities, and for that we are
eternally grateful.
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Sean Casey
It is with great pleasure and a heavy heart that I write this testimonial
for Dr. Joseph Sebastian Lalli, whom I regard as one of the greatest
teachers of all time. One of my first memories of Joe is the day when
he asked me into his office. I was serving as a direct care staff at
the time, with just a few months experience, and was nervous. After your
standard fare regarding how things were going, Joe inquired what I did
with the children during the evening shifts. Joe then asked if I was
interested in assisting him with a research project. Relieved that this
discussion was not following a path of disciplinary action, I gladly accepted.
This project eventually became one of several published manuscripts that I
co-authored with Joe. Several months after the research project was completed,
I was working directly under JoeÕs supervision as a Clinical Specialist.
Early on, I often questioned my aptitude, skills, and abilities to help
children with developmental disabilities and severe behavior problems.
However, almost daily, Joe alleviated these concerns and instilled in me
the confidence necessary to become a good clinician. Joe told me on many
occasions that if I worked hard it would pay off. He commonly cited
himself as an example, and as he put it, he was just some guy from South
Philly who worked hard and was provided with excellent opportunities.
After working with Joe for two years he initiated some discussions about
graduate school. The thought of pursuing a graduate degree had never
entered my mind until these conversations. Joe’s skill as a teacher
and gentle encouragement became instrumental influences on my decision
towards pursuing a graduate career. Still, I was reluctant to leave my
hometown where I had lived my entire life. These discussions are some
of my most vivid memories. I recall telling Joe that (for me) life was
good. I had a job I loved and was good at. I made decent wages, helped
families with children who had with developmental disabilities, and my
family and friends were close. Joe’s responses were something to the
effect; “Hey Sean, I donÕt want to see you go either. You make my job
so much easier and a whole lot of fun. But you can do this too (meaning
his position as behavioral psychologist) if you get your degree.” Joe
then went one huge step further than that. Not only did Joe arrange for
my trip to a graduate program, he even accompanied me on the trip! Soon
afterwards I realized that if Joe had that much confidence in my abilities
then IÕd be foolish to pass up these rarest of opportunities. I was
accepted to the graduate program at the University of Iowa, shortly
thereafter.
Joe possessed many excellent qualities. However, the most pertinent of
these qualities was his teaching style. No question JoeÕs teaching
style was a perfect match to my learning style. Joe was able to build
a foundation that I still draw upon today and which continually drives
me to be a better clinician. To this day, I strive to teach my students
in a similar informal, unstuffy, “No question is a bad question”
atmosphere that had appealed to me so much when I was his student.
Another quality that astounds me was that, in the four years I worked
with Joe, I never observed him ever become visibly upset or angry with
any student that made a mistake or an error. On the contrary, Joe
encouraged his students to become independent and to make some decisions.
This style inevitably resulted in many mistakes, and I often wondered how
many additional publications Joe would have had had his students not messed
up a phase change or kept a closer eye on their reliability numbers.
Still, this approach helped foster a classroom conducive to learning and
appeared to be instrumental in the development of self-confidence for
his students (at least for me).
My lasting memories of Joe will not be about discussions about extinction,
reinforcement schedules, and experimental designs. They will be about
trying to figure out who sang songs in the sixties and seventies, endless
discussions about the Philadelphia sports scene, enjoying beers at the
local fare whenever the annual ABA convention was in a baseball town, while
having discussions about extinction, reinforcement schedules, and
experimental designs. In short, Joe was a good boss, a great teacher,
and an outstanding mentor. I know without JoeÕs encouragement, support,
and teachings, this former student would not be in the position that he
is today. A great understatement is that Joe touched my life, and many
others, in a way that cannot be measured.
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James E Connell, Jr.
An old saying that goes something like this, “When the student is ready,
the teacher will appear.&#!48; In the course of my academic training, that old
saying has been true. Sometimes the impact of a teacher will change what
you “know” to be true, others will move your intellect and your path through
life by providing
opportunity. Joe provided me the opportunity to work and learn in a place I
will always remember fondly, a place where I could experience the
reinforcement of working with children and learn from great teachers. He
gave that opportunity to many, and will be remembered by many for doing so.
Thanks Joe.
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Han-Leong Goh
Some say that first impressions form everlasting memories. This is
certainly true regarding my first memory of Joe one summer day in 1990.
I was interviewing for a clinical specialist position at the ChildrenÕs
Seashore House (CSH). Joe was about to start his first faculty position
fresh out of graduate school. Despite the large disparity in experience
and training, he immediately made me feel at ease with his congenial nature.
I felt like I was talking to a friend rather than a future boss. That trend
still continued up to the time of his passing. I will forever treasure the
friendship we had even though he was my supervisor and mentor.
I was fresh out of school with an undergraduate degree in psychology when
I started working at CSH. Knowing that I had no field experience and no
formal training in applied behavior analysis, Joe took the time to explain
behavior analytic principles, fielded one too many questions from me (some
redundant), and demonstrated first hand the application of those principles
with children presenting with challenging behavior problems. He wasted no
time delving into critical situations with his shirt, tie, pants, and dress
shoes. It was quite a stark contrast to me in my jeans, T-shirt, and
sneakers. He led by example, and I was truly impressed by the fact that
he was a “hands-on”: teacher. In demonstrating first hand what he
preached in theory, Joe made my training at CSH a complete one. Furthermore,
he showed me that, regardless of oneÕs training and prestige, one should
never refrain from providing hands-on assistance in a time of crisis.
Joe’s compassion is what I admire most. As busy as he was serving the role
of case manager at CSH, he took the time to meet many parents to update
them on their childrenÕs progress, field any concerns, and try to resolve
them as best he could. His concern for the well being of parents, children,
colleagues, and students was truly amazing. Joe was not just doing his
job, but doing it with the best of his abilities and because he cared. In
as much as I learnt a great deal about applied behavior analysis from Joe,
his greatest impact on me was teaching me that to truly become a good
behavior analyst, I needed to be compassionate in all facets of my work;
and, to remember that in the end, we are all in this field to help people.
Finally, Joe made my experience at CSH an enjoyable one because he made
the learning fun. I cannot remember a day going by without a smile from
Joe, or more likely a joke or wisecrack. In addition, we would just sit
and talk about sports, and even played tennis. On more than one occasion,
he remarked that although our work was serious, sometimes we should look
on the humorous side of things. Thank you, Joe, for teaching me about many
things, but most of all for being my friend. I will miss you very much.
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Kelly Kates McElrath
I met Joe Lalli in 1993 when I applied for an internship on the Biobehavioral
Unit at ChildrenÕs Seashore House (CSH). I had no idea the impact his friendship
would have on my life. I worked with Joe for four years before leaving to pursue
experience in an educational setting. I continued to work with him after he
left the University of Pennsylvania and accepted a position at Holy Family
College. He worked as a consultant in my classroom until his passing. Joe
had a way of teaching students to be professional behavior analysts and special
educators that is unlike any other. I have been in training situations
since leaving CSH and have come to greatly appreciate his methods. Joe
frequently used humor and always provided his students with the opportunities
to generate ideas and solutions with his guidance. He rarely gave the answer
without allowing students to think on their own. Joe always encouraged me to
achieve my potential, a potential he saw in me before I could see it in myself.
He was a family man who loved rock and roll, music trivia, sports, Disney
movies, Humphrey Bogart, and life in general. He also loved special education,
and demonstrated this through his dedication to research and his never-ending
compassion for children with special needs.
On a personal level, Joe became a cherished and dear friend. His family became
friends with my family. Through Joe, I have developed an invaluable friendship
with his wife Elizabeth. It is because of her that I met the man I would marry.
Joe used to call me “KK”. I typically called him Joe, “JL”, Dr. Lalli, or Pal.
I will miss my research partner, mentor, and friend. I will miss our having
lunch together at a small deli in Newtown, Bucks County, and the same jokes
that he never tired of telling. Though he would never take credit for it, I
thank him for the professional he has helped me to become. I know that I was
fortunate to have worked with and come to know such a wonderful man. During
his lifetime, he touched the hearts of everyone he knew, and his presence will
be missed in many ways.
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Brian Kazmorck
Joseph Sebastian Lalli, Ph.D. was an extraordinary man. He was the type of
person that made a lasting first impression. He was a compassionate, easy-going,
intelligent guy, with a great sense of humor. I began working with him as his
Administrative Assistant in March of 1996. I continued to work with him until
the Biobehavioral Program closed in May of 1999, and remained friends with him
throughout his illness. Dr. Lalli preached education, family values and hard
work. He loved to work with children and their families. He was a great husband,
father, best friend, and a true humanitarian. Although I am not a psychologist,
Dr. Lalli had a great influence on my career. He taught me ethics and morals.
If there is anything about him I can ever emulate, it would be his kind heart.
The world is at a loss for not having him a longer time. |
Bill May
I was informed of JoeÕs death three weeks after his passing by Kelly Kates over
the phone. Kelly and I were students of Joe at the Bio-Behavior Unit at
ChildrenÕs Seashore House. Kelly noticed I wasnÕt present at the funeral,
and realized that I may not have been informed. I had last spoken to Joe
about four weeks earlier. I had left the Bio-Behavioral Unit in 97 after
working under Joe for almost two years. Joe and I continued to keep in touch
over the last four years by phone. While we never avoided the cancer, we
didnÕt dwell on it. We talked about what we were doing in the field, how
our friends and families were doing, things like that. Joe always kept the
conversations positive and upbeat. The last time we spoke however, the
conversation was short. Joe said he was tired, and not feeling well, and
that he would get in touch with me when he was feeling better.
Kelly had told me that a group of colleagues and former students of Joe
were putting a tribute in which each would provide written accounts of
their experiences with him, and asked if I would participate. IÕm not
sure I can do the man justice, but as Joe always said to me “DonÕt sweat
the small stuff, just do what you can.” Joe was my mentor, friend, and
occasional big brother. There were many things I admired about him.
Most particular were his professionalism, his respect towards his students
and patients, his love of life and family, and his sense of humor.
Joe was a guy with a lot on his plate, a married man with two kids and a
mortgage, he was the assistant director of the Bio-Behaivor Unit, who
oversaw five to six students and their respective cases, was involved in
research and taught college courses part time. Yet the stress was never
apparent, and his professionalism remained intact. Joe understood that
we were working with a tough bunch of kids, and he appreciated the
pressure his students were under working on the Unit. He would try daily
to ease the tension during morning meetings with his own version of “Name
That Tune” (usually an old song from the seventies that only I could
identify being the oldest one in the group), or a practical joke, (like
the time he placed a laughing bad under my seat which went off on a fixed
time schedule of 30 seconds while I was discussing my case).
Practical jokes aside, he was respectful of his students and patients.
Not once during my two years on the Unit did I see him lose his temper.
Even when he became ill, he was always gracious, patience, and attentive
to those around him. Joe not only had a professional interest in his
students, he genuinely cared about them. Whatever the problems, he was
there to console, advise or just listen. The best Joe gave me was on the
day I went on my first date with my future wife. I had plan to go to her
house directly from work and maybe to a movie. When I had told this to
Joe, he beckoned me into his office, and said, “WhatÕs the matter with you?
You canÕt go to that girlÕs house looking like that. Go home, take a
shower, and put on some decent clothes. Buy her some flowers and take
her out to dinner. And donÕt talk too much about yourself, let her talk,
and try to look interested.” Well, I took his advice, and two years later,
I married that girl. Joe was at the wedding. He came up to me, and gave
me a hug, and said, “Was I right about the flowers or what?” In life,
there are few you meet who will affect you in such a way that you will never
forget them, and will be grateful to have known them. I consider myself a
lucky man to have known Joe. I will miss him.
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Kathleen Tocco
This is a difficult task for me. How do I condense all of my thoughts and
emotions regarding such a wonderful person into one paragraph? Joe Lalli
was my
boss, for what I believe was my first “real” job after graduate school. I worked
under Joe’s supervision at the Children's Seashore House for three years. Joe was
an enthusiastic teacher who shared his knowledge and training. My favorite
memories of Joe involve his wonderful sense of humor. Joe always started our
group morning meetings with a joke or a music trivia question. This really got
the day off to a good start for me, since I am not a morning person, even though
I hardly ever got the trivia question correct (Who did sing “Jeremiah was a
Bullfrog?”). Joe always had the ability to put people at ease and make them
laugh even in times of distress. That was the way Joe was: always happy,
full of life and laughter, despite coping with his illness. I will always
smile when I think of Joe Lalli. He was a great teacher, and a compassionate
and giving person. The world has lost a great presence; however, those who
knew him are better off because of him.
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Carole Van Camp
Thank you Joe for being such a great mentor. Thanks for letting me ask you a
thousand questions, and for not answering those you knew I could figure out
for myself. Thanks for asking me tough questions, for not laughing when my
answer was wrong, and for those great soft pretzels you gave me when my answers
were right. Thanks for showing me how exciting research can be, for your
enthusiasm when I showed you interesting data, and for emphasizing that the
child was always more important than the data. Thank you for your advice on
where to go for graduate school and where to go for the best cheese steaks.
Thanks for inviting me into your research group and for inviting me to your home
for Thanksgiving. Thanks for showing me that although behavior analysis is
great, friendship and love and family are better. Thank you for being an
exemplar of an intelligent and hard working researcher, a caring clinician,
a compassionate human being, and an outstanding role model.
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Michael Shea, Guest Action Editor
I was honored to be asked by Bud Mace to be the guest action editor for
this memoriam. What you have read previously has shown the large impact
Joe has had on the lives of many people. In closing this memoriam, I
would like to further highlight Joe’s outstanding character by showing
how he impacted my life through sharing some of my personal experiences
with Joe.
I met Joe Lalli in 1987 when we were both graduate students, he at
Lehigh and me at Rutgers University. Our mentor, Bud Mace, brought
us together after his arrival at Rutgers. One of the first things
Bud told me was that Joe and I would get along great because we had
so much in common. He was right. We quickly formed a close
bond. Joe was the older brother to me, the younger, “prodigal son”.
He assumed responsibility for me, and worked tirelessly for the
succeeding 14 years in guiding me towards the right path and helping
me harness and focus the fire that drove me. He never lost patience
with me, and believed in me when no one else would. In the end, he
was right about me, but I believe he was right only because of the
commitment he made to influence me to change and grow. He was the
most important person of my adult life.
In the preceding contributions to this memoriam to Joe, each person mentions
many of the great qualities that Joe possessed; humor, teaching ability, and
knowledge of and commitment to the field to name a few. However, the one
quality that I believe best defined Joe was not overtly identified (but
implied in each); loyalty. Joe was loyal to those he made a commitment to,
almost, but not quite to a fault. With Joe, you could make a mistake, and he
would readily forgive you and give second chances, provided you were sincere
in your remorse and were willing to accept feedback and responsibility for
your mistake. Joe understood, from his own personal experiences, the value
of forgiveness and second chances as he felt he was recipient of a few himself.
He believed he would not have had the opportunity to achieve his position in the
field without those second chances. Joe never forgot that and passed along to
everyone whose lives he touched the same consideration. This is not to say that
Joe let you off the hook easily, he did not. Bud used to joke to Joe and I
that I could murder someone and Joe would say that I if I did (and he would
need proof!) I had a good reason. What no one ever observed, however, was
the tough, pointed feedback that Joe gave me (and others like me) when I made
mistakes. I had to learn to listen, and believe me I didn't make it
easy for Joe in the beginning. I did eventually listen and applied the
lessons he taught me. What I found was that I was better off for it.
Seeing me positively change and grow was Joe’s reward and motivation to
continue providing me with feedback. However, my metamorphosis would
not have been possible without Joe’s undying loyalty and commitment. He
changed my life and the lives of others because of his loyalty and commitment
to me, and others he felt a connection and responsibility to.
Joe is gone now and I am left to grieve for my friend. I grieve not so
much for myself but for others. I grieve for those who didn't have the
opportunity to know Joe very well, as well as for those who will never
have the opportunity to know him and be one of his students. The world
is truly a lesser place without him. For without Joe, the world has lost
one of the few people whose verbal and physical behavior were always
congruent, and who held himself to the same standards that he asked others
to live up to. The world has lost a person who made it a better place.
I don't believe that I could have ever repaid Joe for what he did for me.
I was fortunate to be in a position to repay a small portion of this debt
in helping Joe to fight his cancer. Amazingly, Joe never became self-absorbed
in his fight. He continued to be a teacher and role model right to the end,
always more concerned about those around him than himself. Shortly before he
died he chided me because he felt that I was not gripping onto life as
tightly as I had been, or probably more accurately, as tightly as he was.
I tried to argue, but I couldn't because he was right, I have lost my grip.
I am, however, hopeful that I will regain it because of everything that
Joe has taught me. Because of Joe I will always look at the glass as half-full,
find something positive in the most negative of situations, believe that
tomorrow is another day, and never accept the no win scenario.
As evidenced by what I, and others have shared, I think it is clear
that Joe Lalli was a one of a kind person. I don't think I will ever
meet a kinder, more giving, loyal, and committed person in my life.
I will be happy if I can be half the person Joe Lalli was. He was the
best friend I ever had, ever will have. Thank you, Joe, for everything
you did for me, for the other writers, and everyone else. Thank you for
teaching me to be more easily forgiving of others, to have patience, to
always look for the positive, to always remember to laugh, and to be loyal.
Not blindly loyal, but to hold loyalty above all else except honor.
Thank you for being my greatest teacher. I promise I will not forget
what you taught me and will continue to live up to your standards, as
these are now my standards. I will miss you every day for the rest of my life.
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See also
In Remembrance: Joseph S. Lalli 1952-2001 JABA, 2001, 559-560 [pdf file]
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